When Couples Are In Stressful Relationship

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” - Pearl S. Buck

When two people get married, it means they are making a big commitment. It means they should stay with each other through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do them part. Getting into a marriage relationship is the sign of the fullness of their deep romantic love for each other. Yet, their love for each other is tested in the course of time. First, there would be the adjustment period. All couples go through that. There is a saying that you only get to know the person if both of you are living under one roof.

The routine of everyday life brings unrealistic expectations. Marital disenchantment comes in and it is expressed shortly just after the honeymoon fever wears off. This is the time when inperfections can be seen. Shortcomings can be blown out of proportions. Some eccentric behavior which you found “cute” before now becomes annoying. Aside from your own problems as a couple, you have to deal with in-law relationships, money matters, and certain conflicts which have become the cause of your stress and anxiety.

When negative emotions and actions take over, it becomes the perfect recipe for marriage disharmony. Unl

ess you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions, chances are, you won't do something about it. Marriage is accepting who that person really is. We only need to practice self-control and learn not to have so many expectations.

The following tips will show you how to bring back that “zest” in your married life:

TIPS ON PUTTING ROMANCE BACK TO YOUR MARRIAGE

1. UNDERSTANDING – We all need reassurance. Reinforce this by showing affection, a simple praise, hug or kiss will do. We should learn to communicate our feelings to our mate. Don't be defensive. When you have a minor spat...say “I'm sorry.” and really mean it. The sooner you do this, the sooner your mate will stop resenting you.

2. LEARN TO ACCEPT- All marriages go through certain obstacles. The one that you married turns out not to be the “angel” that you envisioned or the “knight of shining armor.” Real love takes a lot of patience. So go beyond your illusions on what or how your mate should be. Rather, focus on yourself and start to make the necessary changes needed to improve who you are as a spouse.

3. MEET HALFWAY- In every situation, especially when you reach the point that you are angry, hurt, and frustrated --- you have to learn how to meet halfway. In other words, you must know how to compromise or negotiate. No two human beings are exactly alike. So settle your differences and learn to forgive each other right away. Don't let the sun go down on you without you and your mate finding the solution.

4. REKINDLE - How do you refresh and fix a troublesome marriage? Bring back the love and intimacy. Work on it. Work on your marriage. Like life....marriage is not a bed of roses. You have to work it out with your partner by investing time, love, money, and interest in each other. Bring back the closeness by being honest, non-argumentative, and non-judgmental. Being happy together brings good mental health as well as the physical.

Yes, you and your partner should be on top of everything, be in charge of keeping the romance alive and let your marriage blossom the way it was meant to be.